> The 1st Affair 
> 
> A married man was having an affair 
> with his secretary. 
> One day they went to her place 
> and made love all afternoon. 
> Exhausted, they fell asleep 
> and woke up at 8 PM .. 
> The man hurriedly dressed 
> and told his lover to take his shoes 
> outside and rub! them in the grass and dirt. 
> He put on his shoes and drove home. 
> "Where have you been?" his wife demanded. 
> "I can't lie to you," he replied, 
> "I'm having an affair with my secretary. 
> We had sex all afternoon." 
> She looked down at his shoes and said: 
> "You lying bastard! 
> You've been playing golf!" 
> 
> 
> The 2nd Affair 
> 
> A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters 
> but always talked about having a son. 
> They decided to try one last time 
> for the son they always wanted. 
> The wife got pregnant 
> and delivered a healthy baby boy. 
> The joyful father rushed to the nursery 
> to see his new son. 
> He was horrified 
> at the ugliest child he had ever seen. 
> He told his wife: "There's no way I can be the
> father of this baby. 
> Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! 
> Have you been fooling around behind my back?" 
> The wife smiled sweetly and replied: 
> "Not this time!" 
> 
> 
> The 3rd Affair 
> 
> A mortician was working late one night. 
> He ! examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, 
> about to be cremated, 
> and made a startling discovery. 
> Schwartz had the largest private part 
> he had ever seen! 
> "I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician 
> commented, "I can't allow you to be cremated 
> with such an impressive private part. 
> It must be saved for posterity." 
> So, he removed it, 
> stuffed it into his briefcase, 
> and took it home 
> "I have something to show 
> you won't believe," he said to his wife, 
> opening his briefcase. 
> "My God!" the wife exclaimed, 
> "Schwartz is dead!" 
> 
> 
> The 4th Affair 
> 
> A woman was in bed with her lover 
> when she heard her husband 
> opening the front door. 
> "Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner; 
> She rubbed baby oil all over him, 
> then dusted him with talcum powder. 
> "Don't move until I tell you," 
> she said, " pretend you're a statue." 
> "What's this?" the husband inquired 
> as he entered the room. 
> "Oh it's a statue," she replied, 
> "the Smiths bought one and I liked it 
> so I got one for us, too." 
> No more was said, 
> not even when they went to bed. 
> Around 2 AM the husband got up, 
> went to the kitchen and returned 
> with a sandwich and a beer. 
> "Here," he said to the statue, have this. 
> I stood like that for two days at the Smiths 
> and nobody offered me a damned thing." 
> 
> 
> The 5th Affair 
> 
> A man walked into a cafe, 
> went to the bar and ordered a beer. 
> "Certainly, Sir , that'll be one cent." 
> "One Cent?" the man exclaimed. 
> He glanced at the menu and asked: 
> "How much for a nice juicy steak 
> and a bottle of wine?" 
> "A nickel," the barman replied. 
> "A nickel?" exclaimed the man. 
> "Where's the guy who owns this place?" 
> The bartender replied: 
> "Upstairs, with my wife." 
> The man asked: "What's he doing upstairs 
> with your wife?" 
> The bartender replied: 
> "The same thing 
> I'm doing to his business down here." 
> 
> 
> The 6th Affair 
> 
> Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. 
> He looked up and said weakly: 
> "I have something I must confess." 
> "There's no need to, " his wife replied. 
> "No," he insisted, 
> "I want to die in peace. 
> I slept with your sister, your best friend, 
> her best friend, and your mother!" 
> "I know," she replied, 
> " now just rest 
> and let the poison work."