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A Bad Time For Honesty DJ: "Hey! This is Edgar on WBAM. Have you ever heard of 'MateMatch'?"Contestant: (laughing) "Yes, I have."DJ: "Great! Then you know we're giving away a trip to Orlando , Florida if you win. What is your name? First name only pl... moreA Bad Time For Honesty DJ: "Hey! This is Edgar on WBAM. Have you ever heard of 'MateMatch'?"Contestant: (laughing) "Yes, I have."DJ: "Great! Then you know we're giving away a trip to Orlando , Florida if you win. What is your name? First name only please."Contestant: "Brian."DJ: "Brian, are you married or what?"Brian: "Yes."DJ: "Yes? Does that mean you're married or you're what?"Brian: (laughing nervously) "Yes, I am married."DJ: "Thank you. Now, what is your wife's name? First only please."Brian: "Sara."DJ: "Is Sara at work, Brian?"Brian: "She is gonna kill me."DJ: "Stay with me here, Brian! Is she at work?"Brian: (laughing) "Yes, she's at work."DJ: "Okay, first question - when was the last time you had sex?"Brian: "She is gonna kill me."DJ: "Brian! Stay with me here!"Brian: "About 8 o'clock this morning."DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."Brian: (laughing sheepishly) "Well..."DJ: "Question #2 - How long did it last?"Brian: "About 10 minutes."DJ: "Wow! You really want that trip, huh? No one would ever have said that if... less
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One evening, Mike went over to his friend's house to play cards with Terry and some other friends. Mike sat directly across from Terry's wife Susan. When Mike dropped a playing card on the floor and bent down to pick it up, he looked across underneat... moreOne evening, Mike went over to his friend's house to play cards with Terry and some other friends. Mike sat directly across from Terry's wife Susan. When Mike dropped a playing card on the floor and bent down to pick it up, he looked across underneath the table and saw that Terry's wife had her legs wide open with no panties on. Mike then sat up and tried hiding the fact that he was flushed.When Mike went into the kitchen to get a drink of water, to his surprise, Susan had followed him into the kitchen and said in a sultry voice, "Did you like what you saw?"Mike replied with enthusiasm, "Yes, I did!"Terry's wife then said, "Well, you can get more than a look, but it will cost you $500."So Mike thought about his financial situation and said okay. Susan then said, "Come here tomorrow at 2:30 because Terry will be at work."Mike said with a smile, "I'll see you then." The next afternoon Mike went over, they had sex, he gave her the $500, then he left.Later that evening, Terry came home and asked his w... less
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An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day. The daughter said to her mother, 'My hands are freezing cold.' The mother replied, 'Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up.' The daughter di... moreAn Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day. The daughter said to her mother, 'My hands are freezing cold.' The mother replied, 'Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up.' The daughter did, and her hands warmed up. The next day, the daughter was riding with her boyfriend who said, 'My hands are freezing cold.' The girl replied, 'Put them between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm them up.' He did and warmed his hands. The following day, the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter. He said, 'My nose is cold.' The girl replied, 'Put it between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm it up'. He did and warmed his nose. The next day the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter, and he said, 'My penis is frozen solid.' The following day the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother again, and she says to her mother, 'Have you ever heard of a penis?' Slightly concerned the mot... less
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A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to... moreA guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. So, he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done. The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day. The elderly man came back the ne... less
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Three guys found themselves in Hell: we will call them Carl, Bob, andBrett, they were a little confused at their present situation, andthey were startled to see a door in the wall open, and behind the doorwas perhaps the ugliest woman they had ever seen. ... moreThree guys found themselves in Hell: we will call them Carl, Bob, andBrett, they were a little confused at their present situation, andthey were startled to see a door in the wall open, and behind the doorwas perhaps the ugliest woman they had ever seen. She was 3'4", dirty,and you could smell her even over the Brimstone.The voice of the Devil was heard, "Brett, you have sinned! You arecondemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!" AndBrett was whisked through the door by a group of lesser demons to historment.This understandably shook up the other two, and so they both jumpedwhen a second door opened, and they saw an even more disgustingexample of womanhood gone wrong. She was over 7' tall, monstrous,covered in thick black hair, and flies circled her.The voice of the Devil was heard, "Carl, you have sinned! You arecondemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!" AndCarl, like Brett, was whisked off.Bob, now alone, felt understandably anxious, and feared the worst whenthe third ... less
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Wife and husband have bought condoms with different flavours."Darling, I will turn off the light, put one on and you guess the flavour."As soon as he turns off the light, she takes it in the mouth and says:"Gorgonzola" "Wait!!, it is not on yet.=====... moreWife and husband have bought condoms with different flavours."Darling, I will turn off the light, put one on and you guess the flavour."As soon as he turns off the light, she takes it in the mouth and says:"Gorgonzola" "Wait!!, it is not on yet.===================================================================================Two friends:"Tonight I am going to organize a group sex session in my apartment. Do you want to come?""Of course! How many people are coming?""Three, if you bring your girlfriend."==================================================================================A little boy asked his mother:"Mummy, why are you white and I am black?""Don’t even ask me that, when I remember that party mmhm..., you are lucky that you don’t bark." less
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It is time to do a comparison between two things treasured by men, beer and pussy...A beer is always wet.A pussy needs encouragement.Advantage: Beer.A beer tastes horrible served hot.A pussy tastes better served hot.Advantage: Pussy.Having an ice cold bee... moreIt is time to do a comparison between two things treasured by men, beer and pussy...A beer is always wet.A pussy needs encouragement.Advantage: Beer.A beer tastes horrible served hot.A pussy tastes better served hot.Advantage: Pussy.Having an ice cold beer makes you satisfied.Having an ice cold pussy makes you Hillary Clinton.Advantage: Beer.Beers have commercials making fun of skunky ones.Pussy does not.advantage: TieIf you get a hair in your teethconsuming pussy, you are not disgusted.Advantage: Pussy24 beers come in a box.A pussy is a box you can come in.Advantage: PussyToo much head makes you mad at theperson giving you a beer.Advantage: Pussy.If a beer is brewed with yeast, it isstill edible.Advantage: Beer.If you come home smelling like beer,your wife may get mad. If you come homesmelling like pussy, she will definitely get mad.Advantage: Beer.6 beers in a night and you better notdrive. 6 pussies in a night and youhave done all the driving you need.Advantage: PussyBuy too much beer and you will get fat.Buy... less
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Not my joke but I love telling it.A Farmer had a dilemma. His roosters had all died off and his henhouse needed roosters for mating. He was certainly in a pickle and couldn't find any in his neck of the woods to buy.His neighbor stopped by to chat and the... moreNot my joke but I love telling it.A Farmer had a dilemma. His roosters had all died off and his henhouse needed roosters for mating. He was certainly in a pickle and couldn't find any in his neck of the woods to buy.His neighbor stopped by to chat and the conversation led to his problem. "I tell ya Joe, I don't know where I'm going to find enough roosters to service all of my chickens."Joe could easily solve that for him, "Tell ya what Ben, I got a rooster that can service every one of your chickens."Ben laughed at his neighbor’s bragging and said, "I seriously doubt that Joe, I've got a hundred chickens. It's going to take more than one."Joe re-assured him, "I'm tellin' ya man, this rooster will take on everything ya got."Ben really had his reservations but wasn’t about to call the man a liar. "Ok, let’s say you do have a rooster that can service everything I got; what would you be askin' for it?" he asked."$300.00 and he's yours." Joe replied with pride."Are you crazy? There ain't no rooster ... less
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Jack wakes up at home with a huge hangover he can't believe. He forceshimself to open his eyes, and the first things he sees are a couple ofaspirins next to a glass of water on the side table.And, next to them, a single red rose!Jack sits down and sees hi... moreJack wakes up at home with a huge hangover he can't believe. He forceshimself to open his eyes, and the first things he sees are a couple ofaspirins next to a glass of water on the side table.And, next to them, a single red rose!Jack sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.Jack looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror, and notices a note on the table:"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping--Love you!"Jack stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son...what happened last night?""Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.""So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, I ... less
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Once upon a time lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts.Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason.He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he tryto touch them, but he had to try.One day Nick revealed his secre... moreOnce upon a time lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts.Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason.He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he tryto touch them, but he had to try.One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatiothe Physician, the King’s chief doctor.. Horatio thought about this andsaid that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, butit would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it.Without pause Nick readily agreed to the scheme.The next day, Horatio made a batch of itching powder and poured alittle bit into the Queen’s bra while she bathed.Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense.Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident,Horatio informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, ifapplied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that testshad shown that only the saliva of Nick would work as the antidote tocure the itch.The King, eager to help his... less
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