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As a mother passed her daughter's closed bedroom door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter giving herself a real workout with a vibrator. Shocked, she asked, "What in the world are you doing?&n... moreAs a mother passed her daughter's closed bedroom door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter giving herself a real workout with a vibrator. Shocked, she asked, "What in the world are you doing? The daughter replied, "Mom, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone." The next day, the girl's father heard the same buzz coming from the other side of the closed bedroom door. Upon entering the room, he observed his daughter making passionate love to her vibrator. To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter said, "Dad, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband! Please, go away and leave me alone." A couple days later, the wife came home from a shopping trip, placed the groceries on the kitchen counter, and heard that buzzing noise coming from, of all places, the family room. She en... less
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There was this little boy about 12 years old walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of a house of ill repute and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and as... moreThere was this little boy about 12 years old walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of a house of ill repute and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted. He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it."The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked.He asked, "Do any of the girls have any diseases?"Of course the Madam said no.He said, "I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber. THAT'S the girl I want."Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right.He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door. The Madam stopped him and asked, "W... less
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A young couple got married. On their honeymoon, they were very anxious about having sex because they were both virgins. Because of their sexual inexperience, they were a bit uncomfortable discussing the subject so they came up with the term "doing the lau... moreA young couple got married. On their honeymoon, they were very anxious about having sex because they were both virgins. Because of their sexual inexperience, they were a bit uncomfortable discussing the subject so they came up with the term "doing the laundry" to use in place of "having sex."This made them both more comfortable with the whole concept. Well, the first night of their honeymoon was wonderful. They "did the laundry" 5 times that first night. In the middle of the night the new husband woke up, and he was ready to do the laundry again. He gently shook his new wife and asked her, "Can we do the laundry again?" but she was very tired. She told him that she just couldn't do it again just yet. Maybe in the morning. A few hours later the new wife awoke feeling very guilty. What he had asked for wasn't unreasonable, and she decided she should go ahead and "do the laundry" with him again. She gently shook him and said, "Honey, I'm sorry I denied you... We can do the laundry again if you want," ... less
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"Dear wife, You must realize that you are 54 years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive t... more"Dear wife, You must realize that you are 54 years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight. - Your Husband"When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:"Dear Husband. You too are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Don't wait up." less
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Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it's missing a seal, so whenever it rains he has to smear vaseline over the spot where the seal should be.Anyway, his girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her ... moreSteve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it's missing a seal, so whenever it rains he has to smear vaseline over the spot where the seal should be.Anyway, his girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her parents. He drives his new bike to her house, where she is outside waiting for him."No matter what happens at dinner tonight, don't say a word." She tells him, "Our family had a fight a while ago about doing dishes. We haven't done any since, but the first person to speak at dinner has to do them."Steve sits down for dinner and it is just how she described it. Dishes are piled up to the ceiling in the kitchen, and nobody is saying a word. So Steve decides to have a little fun. He grabs his girlfriend, throws her on the table and has sex with her in front of her parents.His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word. A few minutes later he grabs her mom, throws her on the tabl... less
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Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine a... moreTwo married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's ass and say, 'How about a blowjob?' ... and she's always sound asleep."
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A school teacher was teaching her first graders about religion and explaning in detail how after death the soul goes to heaven and the body stays on earth.So after half an hour she started asking her pupils questions, and then she asked a boy named Jason:... moreA school teacher was teaching her first graders about religion and explaning in detail how after death the soul goes to heaven and the body stays on earth.So after half an hour she started asking her pupils questions, and then she asked a boy named Jason: Tell me Jason what part of the body did i say goes to heaven first?Jason looked at the teacher and said -Well miss you said that it's the soul but it's wrong it's the legs !-Why do you say that?-Well it's simple last night i went into my parents house and saw my mom screaming with her legs up in the air OH GOOODD AM CUMIINGG!
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HE: Can I buy you a drink?SHE: Actually I'd rather have the money.HE: I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.HE: Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?SHE:... moreHE: Can I buy you a drink?SHE: Actually I'd rather have the money.HE: I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.HE: Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?SHE: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?SHE: I must've been given your share.HE: Will you go out with me this Saturday?SHE: Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.HE: Your face must turn a few heads.SHE: And your face must turn a few stomachs.HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out.SHE: Okay, get out.HE: I think I could make you very happy.SHE: Why? Are you leaving?HE: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.HE: Can I have your name?SHE: Why? Don't you already have one?HE: Shall we go see a movie?SHE: I've already seen it.HE: Where have you been all my life?SHE: Hiding from you.HE: Haven't I seen you some place before?SHE: Yes. That's why I don't go ... less
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A little boy goes to his dad and asks, “What is politics?” Dad says, “Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I’m the breadwinner of the family, so let’s call me capitalism. Your Mom, she’s the administrator o... moreA little boy goes to his dad and asks, “What is politics?” Dad says, “Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I’m the breadwinner of the family, so let’s call me capitalism. Your Mom, she’s the administrator of the money, so we’ll call her the Government. We’re here to take care of your needs, so we’ll call you the people. The nanny, we’ll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we’ll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense.” So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents’ room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny’s room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and ... less
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One fine day, Superman went to visit his good friend Wonder Woman. As he approached her front door, he heard some moaning sounds coming from an open window. Curious, he went to the window and peered inside.The sight he saw was shocking.Wonder Wo... moreOne fine day, Superman went to visit his good friend Wonder Woman. As he approached her front door, he heard some moaning sounds coming from an open window. Curious, he went to the window and peered inside.The sight he saw was shocking.Wonder Woman was naked on her bed. Her legs were spread wide open, her arms were at her side, her eyes were closed, and she was moaning like she was having sex.Superman figured that she must be asleep and having an erotic dream.Becoming super horny, Superman was unable to control himself. He flew through the open window, landed on top of Wonder Woman, fucked her, and flew back out the window, all faster than a speeding bullet.Wonder Woman opened her eyes wide and exclaimed "What the fuck was that!!!"And the Invisible Man gasped "I don't know, but all of a sudden my asshole is killing me!!!" less
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